Book Three_A Codependent Love Story Read online

  “I do read, Serge,” he muttered back to me. “I’m comfortable. Look, I’ve got my office.” He opened a door to the right of the living room to show me. His office consisted of a glass desk with a lot of papers on it, not even a chair. “Okay, it not great. My room’s better. Come on.”

  He led me to a door on the left side of his living room “See, dude it’s my bed.” I looked into see what may have been his bed but was 100% Zelda’s bed. The memory foam mattress she covered in a feather bed, with her thick but light as air duvets, always the simplest white high thread count sheets. She had a variation of what I saw before me in Danny’s bedroom her whole life. “Good for my back.”

  “Cool, let’s surf.” I shut the door quickly a little creeped out.

  Being out in the waves all day wiped us both out. We ordered in pizza because Danny did not cook anymore. There were a lot of things he didn’t do anymore, and we fell asleep sprawled out on his sofa.

  I woke to him sitting at his rickety dining table playing on his computer, dismissive of me as if he were doing actual work. He was not. From what I could hear because he had not muted the sound, he was watching videos of animal sounds looped together to mimic popular songs.

  I knew he wanted me to leave, having had enough socialization, needing his time alone to play the Beast to Zelda’s Beauty, but that wasn’t going to happen under my watch. I got a little bossy, telling him we needed to go for a run and get some breakfast. By the time we reached the coffee shop down the road, he was back to being himself.

  I didn’t like to leave him much after that almost alarming episode. I went back and forth to my tiny backhouse, stuffing my backpack to maximum levels, staying at his house for days at time. Other than going into town for tutoring or classes, I only went back to my home when absolutely necessary.

  A little over a month into my recreation of our endless sleepover from our childhood, I arrived to his house to find he had thrown out his “office” and replaced it with a bed worthy of his fair haired maiden. The bed was for me.

  “Dude, you’re here all the time, making it official.” He smiled meekly and held his hand up for high five. Feeling confused, I returned a half-hearted slap.

  “You’re sure about this?” My reluctance surprised me. I had only spent maybe two nights in town since the morning I forced him out for a run, but the arrangement seemed liked a commitment, and commitments were something I avoided at all costs.

  “You’ve got me studying again. You’re my surf buddy. It’s like old times...” He looked out at the ocean through the sliding glass doors.

  “Okay, this is good. We’ll do this.” I looked out the window with him and considered whether it was in fact “good”. The crack in his facade was great, and he was right about the studying. The good habits I drilled into him as a teen were all but gone. He had lost his focus, spending all day going back and forth to the work instead of just sitting down and doing it. There wasn’t even a highlighter in his home. “Yes, okay rent, how much?”

  “No rent, you’ll screw up my taxes. It’ll be a mess. I’ve lived here alone for five years.” He looked over at me, and I wished he were wearing sunglasses. His eyes could be as expressive as Zelda’s. “That’s a long time dude.”

  “I...” I thought of the Zarate’s, and how I lived with them. I thought of all my friends that time and time again always had more money than myself, always trying to pick up tabs in restaurants, always mindful of my circumstances. I thought of how I would try to explain that my life wasn’t hard, that it was only difficult in comparison to their advantaged lifestyles. I had never liked being the economic diversity in the groups of friends I had made in my life, and I had never felt it more than while at law school.

  I looked Danny dead in the eye and knew his offer wasn’t him being altruistic or pitying in some way. I could see me making a token payment wouldn’t make a dent in what I assumed was a sizable mortgage payment. If I didn’t move in he wasn’t going to take on another roommate to make ends meet.

  “This is happening,” he laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair that looked more insane than my tangled dreadlocks. “Don’t even try to get between me, and what I want.”

  “Menacing words bro.” I had no idea what he was trying to say.” I don’t know. It’s a million dollar dump. We’re going to paint it dude, you and me.” I looked around the room. “And I don’t think I can take another day looking at your pea green refrigerator. I’m getting us a new one.” He tried to speak, but I shut him down. “That’s what I need. Don’t you try to get between me and what I want, whatever that means.”

  “This is going to be epic. Road trip to the paint store.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket. I grabbed them.

  “I’m driving.” Other than his bed, the only luxurious item in his life was his car, a top of the line silver Audi, built for speed.

  “Have you ever painted a house before?” He asked as we headed out the door.

  “No, but how hard could it be?”

  It was more difficult than either of us had imagined, but in the end the effort was well worth it. It was not a home anyone driving by would covet, but it had lost its eyesore status. That status now went to the house one door down from his, making the crotchety old man who lived there bitterly happy, telling us it didn’t matter what his house looked like because he had paid $30,000 dollars for it in the sixties, and it was now worth several million.

  Even better than living in a cleaned up stark white home with a white high gloss wooden plank floor with a brand new black monster of a refrigerator? Being with my friend again. I wouldn’t say he was the original Danny anymore than I was the original Serge. We had both changed as everyone does as they grow older. But his iciness thawed. I felt pretty good about that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I woke to the phone ringing in my ear. I was not in the premier bed Danny had supplied me but on the run down sofa that was next on our loose list of things to replace. I had been living with him for a little over five months and we had made a lot of progress, but we were far from finished with the update.

  I was wiped out from a late night on the phone with Jimena. She had spent a couple of days with us on a stopover to a UN conference in NYC. I kept her busy in town showing her the local sights, relaying their histories but mostly just devouring her with my ravenous lust.

  I looked down at my buzzing phone to see a message from my sister stating that her and Anthony were on there way down to the beach to pick me up for breakfast. They invited Danny along too.

  “Hey Danny. Carolina and Anthony are coming down for breakfast. Should I take them to Coogie’s? Do we have any food? I should make them breakfast.” I stared down at the phone, not meeting his eye. I knew Carolina and Anthony had just come back from Madrid. They had flown there for the birth of Zelda's baby.

  “No food here. Take them to Coogie’s.”

  “Coogie’s it is bro. Get dressed. They’ll be here in ten minutes.”

  “Busy.” I could hear the sound of raccoons coming from his computer. He loved animal videos like no one else, but that did not in fact make him busy.

  “Dude, you’re going.” I wanted to tell him to get over it. This was our Zelda, and we were going to be happy for her. Six years was enough mourning for any human.

  “I have a paper due tomorrow.” I wanted to ask him if his “paper” was on the economics of raccoon scavenging.

  “We’ll surf for three hours instead of four. I’m not fucking around. You’re going.” I walked out on to the deck and hoped the bright day would wake me up.

  “Why are Carolina and Anthony coming down together?” He closed his laptop with a heavy sigh. I ignored his dramatics.

  “I don’t know. Get dressed. We’ll find out in five minutes. Dude, I haven’t seen my sister in two years. You’re going. Family day.” I went to my room to get dressed if you counted cut-off pajama pants and a partially shredded t-shirt I found at a garage sale, dressed. I did smooth down my dre
adlocks for the sake of my sister. I was considerate that way.

  Danny waited for me by the door in his favorite look of an inside out holey t-shirt and board shorts. We made quite the pair. One would think that the women of the world would run the other way with one look at us. One would be wrong in thinking that.

  We jumped into Anthony’s big black SUV and off we went. I was so happy to see Carolina, hugging her and talking non-stop. I forgot about Danny and Anthony sitting up front in the car. If only the whole breakfast had gone that way. I had forgotten how entirely unpleasant my little sister could be at times.

  “Danny we flew in from Madrid last night. Zelda had her baby, Louisa Moreau Ortiz. Do you want to see the pictures?” She asked as soon as we sat down at the table.

  Danny, my emotionally smooth and cool friend, looked to be studying or cowering behind the menu I knew he had memorized years ago. Before he had a chance to answer, Carolina placed a pile of photos on the table between us. I glanced down at them as Anthony began a highly spirited retelling of his week with his sister and new niece.

  I didn’t catch most of what he was saying because the picture of Zelda hypnotized me. Her long blond hair cascading down the pillow, tangled up in the fingers of what looked to be a beautiful baby. Her wide eyes were almost loopy with joy. I had always remembered her beauty but the infinite nature of it had faded with time. The delicate nose with the rounded tip that I had always loved brushing my finger against, her pouty lips.

  Carolina and Anthony, who in my mind would never be more than fifteen, were laughing into each others shoulders with an over familiarity that suggested an intimate connection. I assumed I was misreading them and went back to looking at the pictures of Zelda. The two of them continued with the story that was getting a bit long winded in my opinion.

  They seemed surprised she would wear the baby against her, nursing her, resisting help from Astrid, the nanny brought in to care for Louisa. It didn’t surprise me. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who truly knew her.

  “She’s not too happy with Astrid now that Paolo put her on that ridiculous diet. Two days after giving birth, he’s limiting her food. Lucky for him, she has a drawer in her office filled with chocolate covered oranges. She would probably leave him if took away her sweets,” Carolina said.

  “He put her on a diet? She was as thin as she has always been when I saw her last summer. What’s wrong with him? The weight would have come off naturally. She always took care of herself,” Danny yelled out, almost angry.

  “You didn’t tell me you saw her last summer.” Every aspect of what was supposed to be warm breakfast with family and friends confused me.

  “It was a quick hello and good-bye. I hadn’t thought about it since.” He replied in a way that shut down further inquiries. Anthony laughed, followed by a fierce look his way by Danny. I had no idea what was going on, and it wasn’t going to get any better.

  “He’s controlling, but you of all people know how she likes that. It doesn’t matter. She does what she likes in the end. She looks curvy not fat. Look at the photos. You can see for yourself.” She picked up the stack sitting in front of me, annoying me and handed them to Danny. He dropped them back on the table with barely a glance.

  I picked them back up because that’s what I wanted to do.

  “These are great. I haven’t seen her in years. She looks exactly the same. Cute baby. Why is her top open in all the pictures?” So lost was I in the beauty of her face I hadn’t noticed the full, almost bursting breasts peeking out of her open nightgown. Our Aphrodite had evolved into Gaia I almost said to the table. I smiled instead, happy for the sweetest Zelda.

  “She nurses every twenty minutes. I told you she’s out of it. She loves that baby. Who knew she would be so into motherhood? Earth Momma.” Anthony’s shock at Zelda’s natural maternal instinct almost bothered me more than his constant touching of my sister.

  “Here Danny, look at this one,” I handed him one where the sunlight from the open window streamed onto her hair, lighting it up like a comet through the night sky.

  “Thanks, but I’ve seen her boobs before.”

  “Look at the picture, Danny. Beautiful baby. Why are they all in black and white?” I forced the picture into his hand as Carolina and Anthony laughed. I didn’t laugh because him being unable to get out of his own head to be happy for her irritated me more than anything else going on at the breakfast.

  He looked at the picture, took a deep breath, dropped it back on the table and walked off to the bathroom leaving me alone with an overly affectionate Carolina and Anthony. I wanted to go home.

  “Are you two a couple?” Danny asked as he sat back down at the table. Good one Danny. He had obviously never tangled with Carolina before, losing game buddy.

  “Strange isn’t it? Anthony always hated me when we were kids.” She appraised her opponent. It became clear to me that this breakfast had a purpose for her. I sat back in my seat and gave up on understanding what was driving her to taunt him.

  “I never hated you.” Anthony almost distracted her from her bloodthirsty mission.

  “I’m only here for a week. Then I go back Anthony.”

  “I could transfer to Cornell.”

  “Ease up, Anthony.” I said though in retrospect it would have made for better conversation than what Carolina was about to bring up.

  “He’s kidding. The magic of Madrid will slip away now that we are back.” She looked at Danny, “Cute baby Danny, don’t you think?”

  “Yep.”

  “I talk to Serge all the time but not you in years. Catch me up. What happened to medical school? You were so ready to jump right into it. Wasn’t that why you couldn’t take a year off to travel with Zelda?” She spit out not so differently than our mother would speak to her as a child.

  “I took a gap year after she left and never went back.” His voice took on a hard monotone.

  “So your relationship with her ran its natural course then? You must have been relieved when she didn’t come back so you could take the year unencumbered by her.” I squirmed in my seat more upset by memories of miserable family dinners than her misplaced anger at Danny that was a good five years too late.

  “That’s it exactly. I was relieved to be “unencumbered” by her.”

  “Sarcasm? Seriously, what was the thinking behind that? I’ve never understood it. I don’t think it’s something she would ever ask herself, so I’m not going to trouble her with that question. That leaves you.”

  “Leave him alone, Carolina.” I was about to ask her the point of her interrogation, but Danny interrupted me.

  “Why are you dredging this up? Did she say something to you? Is she okay?” Worry replaced his monotone.

  “She didn’t say a word about you.” She replied in her callous way.

  “What is your angle then? She’s married with a baby. You want me to call her, apologize? It’s been six years. We’ve moved on.” Thank you Danny for asking the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

  “She’s not married. She lost interest in that after her trip back home.” Her voice was calm again. She shook her head as if she realized that she had gone too far, which of course she had.

  The waitress laid the plates upon the table silencing everyone. I picked at my food as did the others. I tried to make sense of the different motivations and undercurrents of the conversation. I had nothing.

  “Do you want to come back into Hollywood with us? I haven’t seen our parents yet. We could go visit together.” Carolina asked me as the waitress cleared our barely touched breakfasts.

  “I’m going to stay down here with Danny.” I patted his shoulder. I felt very protective of him, “Dinner later?”

  “Perfect. Do you want to come over for dinner, Danny?” She reached into her purse and took out an oversized business card and pen. “You should send Zelda and Louisa a gift. I’m sorry for being so intrusive. I must have jetlag.” Carolina handed him the card. She had written every
possible way of contacting her, confusing me further.

  “Thanks, but I have to pass, busy week ahead. I’ll send her a gift. Serge, do you want to run back home?” We were out of the restaurant and on Pacific Coast Highway in less than a minute. The waitress would be very happy with her tip I left for her. The only upside to the breakfast as far as I could see.

  “What was that about?” I asked.

  “Fuck if I know. She’s your sister. What was up with her and Anthony?”

  “We will never talk about her and Anthony. That didn’t happen. He’s a big guy now. Last time I saw him he was climbing a tree. I think she was trying to get you to call Zelda.” That was the only point I was clear on. I couldn’t even begin to wonder why.

  “Why? She looks pretty happy in that third world of a country she calls home.”

  “Spain’s not third world dude. Madrid’s a world-class city. Try living in Peru... She’s a rich girl living a rich girl’s life.”